Time to Tidy Up

I did it! But it backfired.

I finally accomplished a New Year’s resolution! Cue to parade and fireworks! But instead of being rewarded with less stress and more success as I had naively anticipated, I was blamed, punished, and forced to endure negative consequences as a result.

Not what I was expecting. Cancel the parade.

My New Year’s resolution for 2025 was to hold people accountable. I was determined to not suffer negative consequences due to other people’s shortcomings. I wanted to ensure any negative outcomes remained with those who caused them and not with me. However, in the end, I did suffer consequences.

But let’s back up.

This year, I was again forced into battles I didn’t start and obstacles in my work projects. Outside of work, life was chaos, and I struggled to accomplish even the bare minimum amount of work required to meet my contractual obligations and maintain my professional reputation.

At the end of last year, an issue had turned into a crisis, and I was forced to uproot my life and relocate. So, crisis averted, right? Wrong. The crisis was just beginning and continued wreaking havoc in the new year. The new circumstances I found myself in were so deplorable that I longed for the original crisis that had led me there. I’ve had so many problems to deal with and metaphorical fires to put out that I have a hierarchy of crises!

Being the responsible person that I am, and understanding that I was bound by a contract, I tried to resolve the issue. I tried and I tried and I tried. It wasn’t possible to live and function in the situation as it was, and I wasn’t able to just walk away from it without serious consequences for me, so I had no choice but to fight this battle. I followed proper procedures, filed recommended complaints, and contacted appropriate parties. It got me nowhere. Weeks turned into months, and promises of help and resolution turned into being disregarded or blatantly ignored. Managing the crisis consumed my life, and I lived every day in survival mode.

So I tried a new tactic: holding people accountable (shout out New Year’s resolution). I named and shamed. I notified the associates and superiors of the people and organizations involved about the failures, ineptitude, laziness, and inaction of their people to solve a problem that was their responsibility. I also notified them that I had contacted a lawyer and their actions, and ultimately inaction, were in violation of several laws, and I would take legal action if needed.

Did it work? Yes. In the way I wanted? No.

All parties involved quickly sprang into action. However, no resolution was coming. Instead, they circled the wagons to protect themselves and each other and blamed and shamed me. While their original response was promises of help and resolution, their new tactic was blame-shifting, finger-pointing, and bad-mouthing aimed at me. They were trying to distort the truth and damage my reputation to save face.

Rather than resolve the issue, they let me out of the contract, so I could (i.e. had to) leave. I was effectively exiled from the community for speaking up and holding people accountable for their actions (i.e. inaction). While I was relieved that I could finally escape the situation, an escape rather than a resolution meant I had to uproot my life and relocate once again.

But wait, there’s more!

The parties involved with my planned relocation learned of the circumstances and my (wrongly) tarnished reputation and tried to exploit my desperate situation and trap me in an unfair contract to enrich themselves. Still traumatized and reeling from back-to-back crises, I heeded that red flag’s warning. I held the new parties accountable for their clear grift and declined the contract.

But having to start the relocation process over again intensified the urgency of the situation, and I went from crisis mode to panic mode. Options were scarce and time was limited, so I had little choice but to find a quick temporary solution. The new relocation is livable, I suppose, but not ideal, not where I want to be, and not permanent, so I will have to relocate yet again.

Crisis averted? I don’t even know anymore.

In the midst of that crisis, one of my work projects had become a problem. A longtime client was behind on payments to me and had become unresponsive to my messages regarding work. Operating in survival mode for so long and struggling to keep up with the bare minimum of my work obligations had caused me to neglect the issue, which was now a problem.

Finally able to address it, I held the client accountable and notified them that the timeliness of payments and responsiveness needed to improve if they wanted me to continue working with them. My client reacted with promises of payment and better communication regarding the work. Long story short, neither of those things happened. After many unsuccessful attempts to resolve the issues, I will likely have to end the professional relationship and lose the client and the income that came along with it.

I enjoyed the work, and I’m sad to leave the client. It was actually my favorite work and the bright spot of my work week. But I can’t do my job with no communication, no information, and no payment.

Once again, I tried to hold people accountable, but instead of a resolution, I was unceremoniously shown the exit.

Holding people accountable cost me the community I had considered home for years, tarnished my reputation, forced me into a less-than-ideal home situation, caused me to lose longtime work that I enjoyed, and cost me future income.

I thought holding people accountable for their actions would ensure any bad outcomes remained with them and, ultimately, lead to positive outcomes for everyone. Obviously, I was wrong. Why did it backfire? Why was I punished with negative consequences?

I don’t know.

Honestly, I’m so traumatized from the events and circumstances and outcomes of the last few years that I can’t even think straight. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to feel.

I just want out of this cycle and out of this mess.

I need to figure out what I should do differently in the future to prevent this from happening again. To do that, I need to clear the distractions out of my life and my head, so I can focus on that goal.

And therein lies my New Year’s resolution for 2026: I will declutter my life. I will declutter my brain of thoughts that interfere with building a stable life. I will declutter people from my life who exacerbate problems. I will declutter work projects from my schedule that are more stress than they’re worth. I will declutter stuff from my home that makes relocating more difficult. And I will declutter situations from my life that require a disproportionate amount of effort on my part.

I hope 2026 is better. I’m scared to find out… but here we go. Here’s to a tidier year ahead!